Some Questions

• Considering floating down the river on Monday...interested?
• If someone pointed out my flaws the way I want to point out their's, what would they say?
• Do I have the courage to try something different?
• What's it going to be like kayaking down the Rio Coco?
• Does everyone have trouble moving on, and we all just hide it?
• How do you tell if your anger is reasonable or unreasonable?
• Robert Downey, Jr. in black face?
• What does it take to become a professional movie critic?
• How many hotdog buns should I buy for the back to school bash?
• When I look back at this part of my life, what will I regret?
• What is the difference between those who make the best of their situation and those who wallow?
• If Obama looses, what will he do next?
• What should I change to make more time for reading?
• Should I buy an iPhone?
• Surely there's a good party somewhere this weekend?
• What will I have to give up to pay my debt off by the end of the year?
• Why don't I pray more?
• Why do I spend so much time online?

What well are you drinking out of?

The other day I had a conversation with a person who started to quote a well-known "prosperity preacher." Over the last few years, teachings that God wants you health, wealthy and prosperous have been sweeping through the American church. The best known modern preacher accused of this probably Joel Olsteen, pastor of America's largest church.

This isn't a post against Olsteen and friends. I am not 100% against what they have to say. I do believe God wants to bless us, I'm just not convinced it's going to be in a material way that we can easily label.

Anyway, I was caught off guard when I heard this individual "amening" something that, to me, smelled like a few more hours of sitting outside the fridge could rot into heresy. I tried to balance their argument by reminding them that, while God wants to bless us, he also wants us to pick up our cross.

I was thinking about explaining to this person why their new favorite preacher was a dangerous well to be drinking from, when I started to think about what wells I drink from on a regular basis. I listen to about half a dozen sermons every week, not as many as I did when I had a working iPod (any readers who want to donate, just send me a quick email.) They range from pop-postmoderns like Rob Bell, to neo-Calvinist in your face types like Mark Driscoll. Of course I have to have my weekly dose of pragmatism from Andy Stanley, and I mix it up with some of the justice-heavy open-theism of Greg Boyd.

Now, there are some things from each of these that I love, but I disagree with each of them on a number of theology points. The scary thing is, I spend so much time with them -listening can be a very intimate activity- that their words have found root in my thoughts. I hear their opinions coming out when I teach formally or when I'm just hanging out with friends.

This isn't a bad thing: I've learned a ton from these guys. But you have to be careful of what you drink. A diet of soda pop will just give you fat. Fruit juice can deliver vitamins, but is packed with sugar, too. These are okay if you digest them in moderation and exercise regularly. If not, it's pretty unhealthy. Likewise, it's good to listen to these teachers, when it's balanced out, theologically, stylistically, and most importantly, is a far second to your person time with God and his Word.

My reactions to "you're not being nice."

I've been overwhelmed by the reactions the Facebook version of my post "you're not being nice" has gotten. My response is as follows. First, on a personal note:

• It always blows me away that I put a lot of effort into posts about life, culture, and spirituality, and I get little or no feedback. One little post about girls and you all respond. I guess that says a lot about what's on my readers' mind.
• I am not heartbroken, upset, or desperate. I do not loose sleep because I haven't found the one. I just was sharing some thoughts that came to me after a day of waiting for a phone call. But thank you for your sympathy.

Now, in response to you, my faithful readers. Go back and read your responses, and see what they reveal about you. While there is a good amount of give and take, there are clearly some readers (some of whose responses have been deleted) who may have personal issues that make it more difficult to have meaningful relationships.

Let me share a few of my humble opinions on life. I'm not there yet, but here's some things that have helped me along the way.

1. You can't fix someone else, but you can work on yourself. The way I have handled this is surrounding myself with Christian mentors. I've also been in counseling for over 2 years, and it's one of the best decisions I ever made. Do whatever you can to surround yourself with people who have a broader vision, and will help you through life.
2. If you're a girl who doesn't give your number out, or doesn't return phone calls when you do, that's fine- just don't complain when you don't get asked out.
3. If you're a guy who's mad that he can't get a date- you are not trying. I know better than anyone that San Antonio is a terrible place to be a single 20something, I can STILL name half a dozen pretty girls in any age bracket waiting to be asked out. It's a numbers game. Just keep looking and asking.
4. Guys: Be prepared to be rejected. Regroup. Try again. Don't stop.
5. Girls: Take note from Hil, and be honest. I would have boundless respect for any girl who said "you've made my day, but i can't go out with you."

Finally: Trust God AND take initiative. Yeah, God will feed the sparrows, but he doesn't show up at their nest with a spoon and a can of Gerbers. It doesn't mean he's up in heaven playing relational chess with you and your future spouse. God is not your slave. You work for him, not vice versa. So go to work.

Go out. Flirt. Get phone numbers. Give phone numbers. Have a good time. And do it all in a way that will make God and your future spouse proud.

My Schedule for the Week

Monday: Counseling, Office Time: Goals" discussion, Work out, Swing Dancing, Meet with team about possible Art Show at JF
Tuesday: Office Time, Sleep as long as I can, staff meeting, journal, read more of "True North" and "Simply Christian"
Wednesday: Office Time, Work out, Visit another church, perhaps Tree of Life in New Braunfels
Thursday: Office Time, Community Group (Gluten Free Pizza Night!)
Friday: Try to stay out of the office, Maybe use my free movie ticket to see Dark Knight again, work out
Saturday: Feed Homeless with Bread of Life ministries

Not scheduled: Lunch meeting about Northeast San Antonio Needs Assessment, Prayer walk at Northeast Lakeview College, call home, call Kyle, go running with a personal trainer, get a new drivers license

Not scheduled but likely: watch a few hours of some new show with Trevor, write in Journal
Not scheduled, not likely, but hopefully: Buy a girl coffee, buy a new hat

I own it.

Warning: I will use the c%#p word 8 times in this post. Warn your children not to read this.

It was about a year and a half ago that I started throwing around the axiom "own your crap." Recently, I've been reminded of how important this is.

The fact is, we've all got crap. I have got the feeling I have more than most, but less than some. It tells people where to go, what to do. It convinces them to make the same disasterous decisions, again and again. It holds them back from taking chances. It forces them to stay in bad relationships, and sabotage good ones. Most people are owned by their crap.

Owning your crap is the difference between those who are self aware, spiritually mature, relationally mature, self confident, graceful, faithful, humble and gentle from the rest of us. Knowing what your crap is, where it comes from, how it affects you, and how to counteract it is what allows them to sleep at night.

Owning your crap is not the same as having resolved your issues and having gotten rid of your baggage. But it is a step that gives incredible freedom.

I did something the other day that I am pretty sure was a bad idea. I chose to do it, knowing it was probably a bad idea, but also because it's my crap. I gave myself the permission to feel a certain way, say certain things and prepare for the consequences, because my crap isn't going to go away. But I can own it.

Goodbye and Happy Birthday

Thursday night we celebrated my roommate Trevor's 30th birthday and my roommate William's last night in San Antonio. We ate Trevor's traditional birthday meal, had an abbreviated Bible study, ate cake, and opened presents.

The night was full or what this little community is known for: relaxed evenings full of stories of and goofy jokes. Trevor retold the one about the buffet, while William put fake teeth in his mouth and talked like a hillbilly. There were new friends and old, and too many laughs to get nostaligic.

I can't really speak for Trevor, and I can't really imagine what it feels like to hit 30. Probably just another big day that, when it comes, you struggle to find what it is you're really supposed to "feel." So Trevor, here's to another 30.

On Friday we'll pack William up and send him off. I'm really happy for the guy. It's clear he left his heart in Midland. Although he's been a great friend to us, and meant a lot to our church, it's been a tough year for him.

It's not just his portion of the rent I will miss. I'll miss the trips downtown to cool new restaurants, and retelling the same stories about cake and other things. I'll miss his advice, which has helped me more than he knows. More than anything, I'll miss the sounding board he's been; helping me process the difficulties of ministry, a break up, and finding my own place in this city.

Thanks guys.

You're not being nice.

This post is dedicated to the three girls I met this summer, who gave me their phone numbers, and never answered when I called. Now, I realize this is an age old problem that I will not solve in a blogpost. Changing social behavior will take something on the level of sharia law- a power I have yet to obtain. Sometimes you just gotta vent.

Believe it or not ladies, you are not being nice. If a guy is flirting with you, and you're not interested, don't make him think otherwise. Don't give him your number if you're not planning on returning his call.

I realize that these things happen because you are trying to be nice. A lot of problems happen when we try to be nice. But a lot of what is called "being nice" is actually passive agressivity, a way of getting the upper hand.

Here's what you don't understand: it takes the average guy a lot of courage to approach a girl, and even more to try to get her number or ask her out. That courage doesn't come in endless supply. The next girl he meets, he'll drawing from a more shallow well. It gets harder and harder.

I'll always remember listening in on speaker phone to a friend in college as he asked a girl to join him for a cookout on a Sunday. Being a good Christian girl, her response was, "But Sunday's the Lord's Day!"

Now, honestly ladies, I know that when you give us your number (even when you don't want to) or you make an excuse (blaming it on God instead of saying "I won't go out with you) you think you are helping. But the fact is you are just making it harder. On everybody.

ADDENDUM
Since this post was originally written, the number has dropped from 3 to 2. The author would like to thank the young lady for doing her part to restore his faith in the opposite sex.

Don't Judge Me.

Don't judge me, but there are parts of the Bible that I just don't understand why they are there. Some, like about a third of the Torah, on the surface, are outdated and useless. Much of Ezekiel seems like an ancient Israelite's bad trip. Paul keeps saying the same thing in his letters. But these are trivial in comparison to Judges.

I just finished reading Judges, and to be completely honest with you, the book bothers me. I don't know how it fits in to my theology, or what it tells me about God. I know that parts of the Bible are prescriptive and parts are descriptive, but that doesn't explain away the bloody last few chapters of the book. Homosexual propositioning, rape, and murder leads to a civil war. Tens of thosands die in just a few days, and one of the twelve tribes is almost wiped from history.

Here's what I do understand:

Judges is not the whole story. There's an undeniable push-from the garden forward, to Jesus. And Jesus, who teaches love, revives prophetic traditions of social justice, and gives himself as a sacrifice for the world- that I get. So I take comfort in knowing that Judges is just one sad, dark chapter in the story.

What do you do with parts of the Bible you don't understand?

Partial Fast

I attempted a partial fast last week, Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego style. One week without meat. I broke the fast on Friday with a cookout and LOTS of burgers.

I have to say, I'm not really sure how to "grade" a partial fast and what to expect. It definitely was not the jarring experience that a normal fast is. I did miss my meat, especially when eating out. I tried to take advantage of those yearnings as a reminder to pray.

All in all, I'm not sure I of what, if anything, I got from the fast (or if that is even a fair question.) I guess it does serve as a solid reminder of the fact that I have a lot to learn about the spiritual disciplines.

Okkervil River

Here's an article and a podcast about the boys from Austin who convinced me that folk-punk is a true and noble genre.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93699214&ps=bb1

"Devos"

There are some things that have changed about my life, and especially the way I "do church" over the last few years. But I'm blown away by how the simple, core things, remain the same.

On Friday night, I had a group of people over. We ate hamburgers, then we sat around and sang songs to God. This is the kind of thing we always did in the churches I grew up in. We called them "devos." Some of my best memories are of sitting around with my friends in someone's house, and my friends could sing, and we'd sing for what seemed like forever. Then we'd eat. Girls bring snacks, boys bring drinks.

I don't know when I stopped doing devos. Maybe we think that after high school or college we are too grown up for that kind of thing.But Friday night reminded me that true community can happen in the simplest things. Sitting around, singing songs, reading scripture, digesting what we've just feasted on, praying for one another.

How could you ever outgrow that?

Good Burgers

I made burgers for my friends tonight. It's one of my favorite things to do in the whole world. I decided to try a new recipe. The problem was I didn't really have a recipe. So I just grabbed random stuff, such as:

-Egg
-Bread Crumbs
-Dill Seed
-Worcestershire Sauce
-Brown Sugar
-Lawry's seasoning salt
-Crushed red pepper
-Minced Garlic
-Minced Onion

Perhaps my best burgers ever?

You Asked For It.

How do you worship?

Tonight I had a chance to participate in a Taize worship gathering. Taize originated in a monestary in France, and consists of a combination of short melodic chants, scripture reading and extended periods of silence. I always look appreciate Taize worship. I pack my life pretty full, and my hyperactive mind and body find quiet and contemplation unnatural. I need all the help I can get.

These days I spend my Sundays worshipping with a rock band. We hang out in a dark room with couches and candles. We turn it up loud, stand up and raise our hands.

Both are a far cry from the strict a cappella (hands at your sides! don't clap!) tradition I was a part of. However, I find myself singing the old country-style hymns almost every day.

I think it is important to experience different types of worship on a regular basis. Different traditions emphasize the heart, soul, mind and body in different ways. Every time I worship God in a new way, I learn something about him, and how he has created me.

Virtual suburbs.

This has become my life.

Something besides a movie review...

What does it say about my life when the most common thing I think to post is my thoughts on a whatever the last movie I saw was.

Instead of discussing how much I enjoyed the X-Files trip down memory lane, let's talk about a book. I just finished Devil in the White City. Eric Larson's history and biography of the 1893 Chicago World's Fair. Larson follows the characters that made the fair happen, as well as the chilling story of a serial killer who thrived on the chaos created by it.

It's strong characters and short chapters help make Larson's work read a little more like a novel than a textbook. He even incorporates quotations in a manner which mimics diologue. Getting into the book is difficult . The first half is bogged down with biographical details of the architects. However, as you enter the second half of the book, the fair at last becomes a reality, as does the depths of evil found in the antagonist. The book's final act follows a detective criss-crossing the country, desperately seeking to rescue the last few victims. I couldn't turn the pages fast enough.

Sadly, I must admit that I have avoided much serious reading, especially history, since college. I tend to spend my reading times staying abreast on theology and finding haven in cheap science fiction. The Devil in the White, therefore, was the perfect foray into serious reading. I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys history or thrillers.