Trusting God?

While praying last night, it occurred to me that I have a pretty tough time trusting God. My reasons range from personal, to intellectual, to others I haven't identified yet.

Now, you'd think if anyone had a good case for trusting God, it would be me. Over the last few years, I have stared poverty and destruction in the face. Instead of being broke and homeless, I find myself in an amazing position, where I am working and training under world-class leaders. Looking back, it's unmistakable that God brought me to this place.

Intellectually, I struggle against ideas like determinism. I believe that God created us to seek him and choose him, or not. I think this is the story of scripture. So, I struggle with verses like Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." I am much more comfortable with a statement a few verse earlier in 16:4 "The LORD works out everything for his own ends..."

But my intellectual understanding of the free choice granted to men and angels does not help me on the nights when I can't sleep because I don't know what to do. So where's the mid point? How do you harmonize God's clear statements that he is in control, with so much evidence that I can screw everything up?

Happenings

Yesterday, it looked like we might actually get through this who Pakistan thing. A few weeks ago, when Bhutto was assassinated, it seemed inevitable that Pakistan would just become a ticking time bomb, the next Iran. But after a generally peaceful election, it seems like there might be a peaceful change of power.

Yesterday, the toughest man in politics stepped down. Fidel Castro, after almost 50 years of authoritarian rule in Cuba announced he would retire. He survived sanctions and assassination attempts by the world’s superpower, and remained in control until the last moment.

Yesterday, a black man and a white woman debate which of them would make a better President. A country, whose history is filled with oppression, is considering them both as legitimate candidates for its highest office.

Today, I struggle as always, to remain objective and independent. As fascinated as I may be, I have to keep in mind that this isn’t my fight.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12

What I do when I'm not blogging

-Move into a new apartment with Trevor and William
-Watching season 5 of 24
-Writing in an old fashioned Journal
-Drinking Red Tea
-Reading A Severe Mercy
-Swing Dancing
-6:07 pm Gathering at Journey
-Cooking
-Weight lifting (not much the last few weeks, but I'm hitting it again)
-Go Swing Dancing
-Learn

19?

I don't have a lot invested in football, but I did think it would have been cool to see a perfect season.

Not this year.